My relationship with God has always been…complicated.
I grew up in a strong Jewish household, but that doesn’t mean I sat back and never questioned my faith. Spiritual leaders actually say it’s a good thing when you question God. I don’t know, to be honest.
As I’ve gotten older, my faith has become stronger. I have come to embrace my spirituality and my belief in a higher power. However, the past few months, I found myself getting so angry with God.
Like really angry.
And the shame in feeling that way started to steep in. I didn’t know if feeling this way was considered “ok” or “normal.” No one really talks about this stuff, and when you look online, all there is are articles saying to “be positive.” Well. Don’t you think if I could be positive, I wouldn’t be finding myself so damn angry with the universe?!
When a series of events occur that are not in your favor, it’s really hard to keep that positive streak going. Anyone who tells you differently is a LIAR.
The shit they don’t tell you: we all have these moments. We all feel like we want to punch a wall, throw in a towel, and just be upset for however long it takes us. And that’s okay. You’re not going to hell because you’re angry with God, the universe, or whatever you believe in.
I feel like I’ve lived 9 lives this year and it’s not even over yet. Every time I’ve had a rough patch, it’s always been a launching ground into something better, and it always is. We are oftentimes tested before we receive the things we ask for. But that doesn’t mean you have to be a robot and not process your emotions.
Let it out.
For me, I have to cry and talk it out as much as possible (sorry friends). After I sulk for a little, I pick myself back up and keep going. I pray all the time. I talk to God, even when I’m angry. I go for long walks. I write it out. I do whatever it is I have to and you should, too.
Do I still get angry with God? Sometimes.
I’m only human.