I’m a writer who can only put her feelings onto paper. I can’t speak them, communicate them, or express them even half as well as I can if I were presented with a blank page. When it’s just me and my pen, it’s a tsunami. Each wave crashes into me and suddenly I’m at peace putting down every twist and turn I’m surrounded by.
Perhaps some writers have a tough time speaking how we feel because no one knows us better than our pen and paper. No judgement. No one telling us we shouldn’t feel this way or that way. No need to find the perfect time to release our emotions because our notebook knows no time.
[quote]Our notebooks are our most beloved possession and the recipient of our deepest, truest, and realest feelings. It knows the truth and asks no questions, it simply accepts us for who we are. [/quote]
In a world where we are so scared of showing our true authentic selves because someone may reject us for it, the writer has no fear when the pen and paper is near. For us, it is only then that we allow ourselves to openly feel.
My notebook has seen tears that 95% of those close to me have not. It has held my darkest fears about love and loss and my biggest dreams that I have yet to tell the world. It has allowed me to create, meditate, question and find meaning. Sure, some questions remain to be answered, but it has sat through the same repetitive questions, stories and heartbreak in all walks of life. Personally, I’ve never been in a place where I’ve felt no ego and experienced 100% truth – except for when I allow myself to go into the zone, open my heart and let the words flow. In fact, it knows how I truly feel about someone long before they even do – IF they ever do. And that’s often a problem because we don’t let someone see perfectly imperfect side of us.
Why is it so easy for us to hide behind our pen and paper but not express things in person? Why is it easier to protect ourselves in the real world by not revealing what is going on on the inside than to simply speak it into existence? Wouldn’t we feel better?
I can only answer this question for myself and say it’s because of fear. But I don’t want to live in fear anymore and regret the things I never said out loud yet felt so deeply. So I’m making a change, and if you’re the same way, I challenge you to make the change too.
xo [typography font=”Cantarell” size=”16″ size_format=”px” color=”#ff6666″]NM[/typography]