10 years. 3,652 days. 87,648 hours.
This decade turned me from a girl to a woman. I found pieces of myself through people, work, travel, love, and immense loss. I’ve never felt more the real me than I do entering 2020.
It’s been 10 years of hustling for different dreams until I truly found my purpose. 10 years of getting to know different people, places, and things that have left marks on me I can’t ever forget.
Looking back on the last decade, I remember how many times I felt like I was continuously knocked down, only to learn how to get back up. Resilience should be tattooed on my wrist as a reminder.
I learned the meaning of love. That there’s a difference between love, lust, and toxicity. Toxic love became a good friend of mine, taking me to the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. It’s wild that the exhilaration you feel in toxic love is actually just anxiety and the wanting to always give more is just the feeling of needing to prove yourself due to a lack of self worth. Love was a huge lesson for me in this decade. I saw that fairytales do exist, they’re just different than the kind we see on our screens. Real fairytales have challenges, are hard work, and are all about having a teammate to ride with you and die with you. Falling in love with who is not good for you is more intense than falling in love with who IS good for you. One taught me about addiction whilst the other taught me true heartbreak. Both hurt and force you to rebuild.
I learned what it feels like to live your dreams, question your dreams, and step away from your dreams. All 3 are okay as long as you follow your heart. 7 internships and many jobs later, I can say I really followed my heart and make decisions for me and me alone. My career choices pissed people off, turned people off, made me doubt myself, and put me on the ride of my life. The whole world could turn upside, and through everything, I knew I always had my career. Until I decided to step away from it – not because someone wanted me to, but because I wanted to. Living a dream that YOU built is better than almost any feeling in the world. Hearing your stories, reading your messages, having some of you stop me on the street…it’s been surreal and I’m thankful. I risked and lost a lot to pursue these little dreams of mine. I’m proud of the career I built. Everything I said I was going to do, I did. However, I’m also very okay with being in the unknown for now and that’s something the end of this decade taught me how to deal with and grow through.
It’s really been an insane decade from college to the real world and everything in between. I’m definitely not the same person I was going into it and I look forward to seeing who I become in the next one.
To the last 10 years, thank you. To the next 10, I’m ready for you to change my life.