Let’s talk about the real life realities of being a TV Host & Blogger.
I just came off of doing 65 episodes for an online TV show. I did the biggest brand deals I’ve ever done to date in 2018. Not to mention, a company I once auditioned for in 2015 was now calling me in at least once a month to host on their channel.
In reality, this was the biggest year in my career thus far.
So why have I been feeling like I’m stuck in limbo?
Once I stepped off the set for hiatus, traveled, and came back to reality, I only had a few brand deals lined up. Well, once those brand deals were completed, I was left feeling like…what’s next?
Not only was I left feeling like I had no idea what my next move was, I had everyone asking me what my plans were.
A simple “I don’t know” was met with more questions, more speculation, and more doubt. Coming off of the Emmys season, my business was slower than it had been in 10 months and I didn’t know what to do.
“Get a day job!”
“I feel like you’re not getting jobs because you’re not relatable.”
“Are you sure you still want to be a TV Host?”
“How long are you going to chase the dream?”
“Are you sure you don’t want to look for more stable work?”
I’ve heard these things so many times, but in more recent years, I’ve really been battling with self doubt. I LOVE my job(s), but as I get older and I’m no longer “fresh out of USC,” I found myself wondering if I’ll ever really win that Emmy or make it to a show like E! News or The Real.
To be honest, it has been nice to kind of have some down time. Over the last few weeks I’ve been taking time for ME. There are some days where I get to just wake up and say what do I want to do today? What will make me happy, calm, and relaxed? My body has needed sleep, my mind needed meditation, and I needed more time for my personal relationships. I haven’t had a minute in LA to just take it easy and worry about myself aside from business.
Don’t get me wrong, reality sure sunk in quick.
Where is my next deal? Am I ever going to be a TV Host on a channel again? What am I doing?
It’s been a time of reflection – deciding where I want to go from here, the content I want to produce, and really getting to know myself better so you can, too.
For me, it’s all of that and constantly questioning if I’m good enough, relatable enough, if I’m annoying on Instagram, and if the critics are right. I’m not making $20,000 an episode or brand deal (yet) for me to not worry about the future.
Every single day is a grind and a special type of hustle.
2018 has given me thick skin and taught me how to unapologetically be myself online and on-camera. October has reaffirmed me that even when business is slower than molasses, this is truly what I am meant to be doing. And perhaps, I had to have a breakdown the other night to share this story with you.
I’m never not tired, never not stressed and never not wondering what is next for me.
All I know is that the best is yet to come. Or at least that’s what I tell myself to get through the hard days.